Blond Jokes
Blond Jokes Q:Why did the blonde throw bread crumbs into the toilet? A:To feed the toilet duck From: john lutes - Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear? A: Thanks for the refill Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool? A: Air bubbles Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground? A: An air mattress Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A: An Air Bag Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? A: Perri-air Q:What do you call 10 blondes standing in a row? A:A wind tunnel. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A: A Space Invader Q: What's a blondes favorite rock group? A: Air Supply Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head? A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station? A: The Air Pump Q: What does Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde? A: Space. The final frontier Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A: Blow in her ear Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? A: Shine a torch in her ears Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy? A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W's Q: How do blonde braincells die ? A: Alone Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? A: She drowns it Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours? A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? A: They don't know the route Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? A: It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads Q: How do you drown a blond? A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool A2: Don't tell her to swallow A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ? A: Tell them a joke on Friday night Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don't They're born that way Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? A: Because they can understand them Q: Why do blondes like lightning? A: They think someone is taking their picture Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? A: Bobbing for french fries Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? A: There's white-out on the screen Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? A: There's writing on the white out Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to punch information into a computer once Q: Why do blondes write TGIF in the bottom of their shoes? A: To remind them - Toes Go In First Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks Q: Why don't blondes double recipes? A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? A1: They can't remember the number A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives? A: They always forget the 11 in 911 Q: Why don't blondes eat Jell-O? A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: Because they can't get their head in the jar Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A1: Introduces themselves A2: Walks home Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: What s a lightbulb? A2: One She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her A3: Two One to hold the Diet Pepsi and one to call "Daaady" Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A1: The dumb blonde - because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde A2: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer^�s disease? A: Her IQ goes up Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? A: Reservations Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A: A visitor Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? A: An interpreter Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager Q: What do you call a smart blond? A1: A golden retriever Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes? A: The back of her head Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what? Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies? A: 10 - One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties. Q: What's the Blonde's cheer? A: "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B-L-O-N - ah, oh well. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea" Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold Q: Why did the blonde cross the road? A: I don't know (Neither did she) Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said DON'T WALK Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? A: Because she loved children Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: Oh look - Donut seeds Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A1: So brunettes can remember them Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words? A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A: They keep breaking them with the hammers Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH? A: A blonde going through a flashing red light Q: If a blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first? A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard? A: Grade 4 Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? A: It swells at night Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?" A: The pig says - I won her in a raffle Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A: Six please. I could never eat twelve pieces Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A: A blonde parade Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold? A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Put her in a round room and tell her to piss in the corner Q: How do you confuse her even more? A: Ask her where she peed Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing? A: She was run over by the zambonis machine Q: How does a blond spell farm? A: E - I - E - I - O Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? A: Run like Hell - she-s got a hand grenade in her mouth Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs? A: To avoid the draft Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said concentrate Q: Why did the blonde cook a chicken for three and a half days? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125 Q: Why did the blonde put her finger of top of the nail when she was hammering? A: The noise gave her a headache. Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips? A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? A: She heard that the drinks were on the house Q: What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead skunk in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart? A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A: She turned it over and used the other side Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life? A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any Q:: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A: They're too hard to peel Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID? A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet Q: What's brown and red and black and blue? A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes Q: How does the blonde car pool work? A: They all meet at work at 7:45 Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes? A: They always forget the recipe Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio? A: It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night Q: Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds? A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000 leagues under the sea? A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood infront of the mirror with her eyes closed? A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? A: One Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ? A: She didn't know what ONE came first Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A: Because it says right on it good for up to 20 pounds Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? A: Because they can spell it Q: What does the postcard from a blond's vacation say? A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I? Q: Why do blondes drive VW's? A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE! From: Cecil Spurgeon - Why do blondes look in the sky went there's thunder storm? They think there go to get there picture taken From: 1image - How are blondes and turtles alike? When they are on there backs there SCREWED! From: Sean Conway - How do you drownd a blonde? Put a mirror at the bottom of a swimming pool. How Do you keep a dumb blonde in suspense? (Sean will tell you later) How do you turn a blonde into a brunette? Stand her on her head and spred her legs From: Rich Raiders - Why do blondes hate to make Koolaid? They can't figure out how to get eight cups of water into that little package What does TGIF stand for on a blonde's shoes? Toes go in first A bunch of blondes were driving to Disneyland. They're almost there when they see a sign that says "Disneyland Left" So they turned around and went home. From: Dan M - What do you call a blond with two brain cells? Pegnant From: Bill Bowes - Q: How can you tell when a blonde has used your word processor? A: When there is 'liquid paper' on the monitor From: I read this on the USENET - Q: Why did the blonde climb the clear glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side From: Dani - Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Put Five shovels up on the wall and tell her to take her pick! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Joe Flow for everyone! Touch the ComBadge to beam over! From: Mark Mason - Why do blondes wash their heads in the sink? Because that's where they wash all their vegetables From: SSMETAL - what do you call 50 blonds standing in a row? A wind tunnel From: Mr P D O'Neill - What does a blonde use as protection when having sex? A bus shelter. What does a blonde say after having sex? So which football team do all you guys play for? How does a blonde turn the light on after having sex? She kicks the car door open. From: chyanne - Q: Why are blondes like spaghetti? A: They both squirm when you eat them So men can get them too From: Barry Cain - What is the difference bettwen a pregnant blonde and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb. From: Terry Durborow - One blond was in a cornfield rowing a boat. Another blonde came up and said "It's blondes like you that give us a bad name and if I could swim I'd come out there and kick your butt" World's Biggest Blonde Joke List Q: How do blonde braincells die ? A: Alone. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear! Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A BLONDE BUSY ALL DAY? A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner. Q: HOW DID THE BLONDE DIE ICE FISHING? A: She was run over by the zambonis machine. Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant? A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant. Q: What will she ask you? A: "Is it mine?" Q: How do you get a blonde off of your knees? A: Come. Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? A: She drowns it. Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor? A: By the ears. Q: How do you know a blond likes you? A: She screws you two nights in a row. Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity? A: Her crayons are still sticky. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk? A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor! Q: WHY IS A BLONDE LIKE AUSTRALIA? A: They're both down under, and no one cares. Q: WHY DOES A BLONDE LIKE THE NUMBER 77? A: She likes to be 8 (ate) more. Q: WHY DON`T BLONDES LIKE ANAL SEX? A: They don`t like their brains being screwed with. Q: WHY CAN`T BLONDES WATER-SKI? A: When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down. Q: WHY ARE BLONDES LIKE PIANOS? A: When they aren't upright, they're grand. Q: WHY ARE BLONDES SO EASY TO GET INTO BED? A: Who cares? Q: Why can't blondes count to 70? A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful. Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? A: The rest are hunt'n peckers. Q: How is a blonde like peanut-butter? A: They spread for the bread. Q: What do you call a blonde on a waterbed? A: Cherry Float Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A BLONDE THROWS A PIN AT YOU? A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE GOLFER WITH AN IQ OF 125? A: a foursome. Q: WHAT DO YOU GIVE THE BLONDE WHO HAS EVERYTHING? A: Penicillin. Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law? A: An air bag. Q: What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity? A: B.J. Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped? A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open. Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs? A: To avoid the draft. Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room? A: They have to pull their own pants down. Q: Why do blondes wear panties? A: To keep their ankles warm. Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee? A: It's too hard to re-train them. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay? A: Remove their underwear. Q: What do blonde virgins eat? A: Baby food. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!" Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!" Q: What's the mating call of the brunette? A1: "All the blondes have gone home!" A2: Has that blonde gone yet? A3: When is that blond bitch going to leave!? Q: What's the mating call of the redhead? A: "Next!" Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday. Q: WHAT IS BLONDE AND GREEN AND JUMPS FROM BED TO BED? A: A prostitoad. Q: WHAT IS 68 TO A BLONDE? A: Where she goes down on you and you owe her one. Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought. Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'. Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE BAKE A CHICKEN FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125. Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER OVER THE NAIL WHEN SHE WAS HAMMERING? A: The noise gave her a headache. Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE HAVE BLISTERS ON HER LIPS? A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs. Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? A: She heard that the drinks were on the house. Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? A: They don't know the route. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELVIS AND SMART BLONDES? A: Elvis has been sighted. Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BLONDES AND TRAFFIC SIGNS? A: Some traffic signs say stop. Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A LIGHTBULB? A: The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on. Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A BITCH? A: A blonde will fuck anyone, a bitch will fuck anyone but you. Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A SHOPPING CART? A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own. Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CORN FARMER WITH EPILEPSY AND A BLONDE WITH DIARRHEA? A: One shucks between fits. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus? A: One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus. Q: What's the difference betweena blonde and a brick? A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining. Q: What is foreplay for a blonde? A: Thirty minutes of begging. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet? A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth? A1: You need a quarter to use the phone. A2: Only one person can use the phone at once. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt." Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. Q: How do you plant dope? A: Bury a blonde. Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses? A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
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